So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
