sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
