Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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