you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
