He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
