I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
