Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
