Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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