Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
