Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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