So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
