I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
