My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
