I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Shame - the story of my life.
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