We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
