Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
