So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
