Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
