Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Are we still banned from the library?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
