1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Operation Purity has been aborted
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize