But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
