she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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