I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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