when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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