I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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