I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
