I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
