the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
zippers are such a cool invention
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
