Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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