I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
