My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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