You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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