I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
