OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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