textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
