I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
