my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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