I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
