why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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