I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
