i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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