When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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