I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
