The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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