I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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