Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize