fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
