Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
