I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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