I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize