it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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