I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
