I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
