If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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