You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
