I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
