Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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