I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
