dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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