So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
