Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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