Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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