is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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