She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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