i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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