4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
