I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize